A Hazy Shade of Winter

Here's the link to my freshman year blog http://cjambient.wordpress.com/

Hey I'm back after school is now over. I will have a more set schedule (I hope) with work and my own studies. Your own studies you ask? Well, read on.

I wanted to first talk about one of the most chaotic months of my life: December 2009. I went through great highs with graduation from college and hanging out with people special to me. There were great lows with having to call an ambulance to take my father to the hospital and the "Snowball" after that. Christmas felt new but family is a constant reminder of old responsibilities. I'll also go over a few New Year's resolutions.

Usually its better to start with the bad first and then go onto the good. I called an ambulance to take my father to the hospital on December 4th because he wasn't breathing correctly and during the overnight there he stopped breathing and had to be incubated the next morning His lungs were full of fluid from sickness and water retention, had preliminary heart failure signs, and his obesity was weakening his lungs. He had to stay in the ICU for about 2 weeks and then was discharged to a "Skilled Nursing Facility" which is the fancy way to say a care home. My dad is still there to lower his viral-caused increase in weight and strengthen his lungs as they were damaged.

I don't like really talking about my family's health issues (my parents have a... pethora of them) but it has reminded me of how important it is to take care of one's self through exercise and nutrition. Both of my parents are negligent of these things and for a young man like me it’s not hard to realize how much of an effect bad habits can have on the body. There is no such thing as self-destructive habits because they destroy those that care about you. Eulogies are very hard things to think about, as well as life-support decisions.

So that was an extreme low point in my life. Honestly graduation did not really balance out anything this month, but I don't really believe in "life balance" or Karma as I like to think the world can extend beyond checks and balances. It’s a very very optimistic view, I know. But I finally graduated from SJSU with a Bachelor's Degree in Civil and Environmental Engineering! The graduation ceremony was nice, but really I felt like I graduated when I turned in my last project and last final. It is much more about the work that is finished for me than a ceremony.

I am glad to finally have graduated as it symbolizes a stepping stone in my life for what I want to become as a person. "Love what you do and do what you love." Though I want to broaden that old phrase into loving what you hope to accomplish and doing what will accomplish that. More than anything the degree gave me confidence in my ability to work hard hahaha. So I have to keep up with the hard work even if I have graduated. Most people see work as something that is not fun and no one would want to do it for no pay or in their free time. I guess I am different because I enjoy doing engineering work for good causes. The philanthropist in me once thought of going into the Peace Corps, but working for Engineers Without Borders fits me more.

Wow this has gotten super super long. It’s good to be back! Well, here is a rundown of New Year’s resolutions.

- Post once every 2 weeks on my Blog (very hard)

- stick with a workout schedule (hard)

- cuss less (normal)

I'll keep people informed!

Alright so to add to the places I will go shall be updated as things hit me. Luckily, Engineers get plenty of days off with sick days and holidays and.... days off.

Tokyo Fish Market. best fish market in the world, I'll cook fish this friday I think.

Peru: want to go hiking in Matchu Pechu (spelling...?)

I have never been to Yosemite... so camping!

Dubai when it is finished. The skyscraper's construction is paused because of the world economy. Don't think that the economy is just bad here, its bad everywhere. We just aren't as used to it.

Go to antarctica. Or at least a cruise up to Alaska, need to see penguins!

I am not going to take time off after I graduate to travel. I will still be looking for jobs and such. The real goal is grad school. Or maybe that "earn an MBA in 1 year at SJSU as an Engr" sounds like a sweet deal.

I'd also like to become a part of a non-profit organization such as Engineers Without Borders (http://www.ewb-usa.org/about.php) or even something like the Peace Corps. Just the experience of working as an engineer for impoverished 3rd world countries and helping them in way that they can learn to help themselves seems like a thrilling idea. Early Adulthood crisis anyone? Yet the trickiest part of goals like that are the people and responsibilities you leave behind as an individual. Heads in the clouds must have their feet on the ground. As an engineer you can send more then money to places. Design work and problem solving skills can be used from across the world. Right now the shear weight of responsibilities to my parents suffocates my typical life for a good cause, another one would damage more then I would allow.

http://www.square-enix.co.jp/fabula/ff13/ - it has such a gorgeous trailer, and the music on the site is very soothing.

Iceberg

Hello everyone

I had a large amount of work due early this week with my senior project and a midterm and hmwk. I am still trying to get blog posts out once a week, just have to do another one sooner.

Well anyway, I'm staring at homework for Dynamics (think physics with calculus all over the place with all 3 dimensions) and wonder how much lives could change from a simple decision or action here or there. Now I don't want to sound dire or damning, but sometimes we forget that the little things are important.

I started out actually listed as a Mechanical Engineer. Over the first 2 years of college i was torn between civil and mechanical. Me being a naive college student didn't really think too hard on the differences, just I knew I wanted to be in a physical engineering. I have always been a visual, imaginative person. Much of the beauty I see the in the world is from things that are not just made as art, but become art from what they are. Cause, effect, action, reaction. They all blend sometimes for me, like a children's crossing sign or a well placed park.

But what tipped me off to Civil rather then Mechanical is the interaction with the world as a whole. Most Engineerings deal with a specific aspect of science with physics and calculus. Civils have much more of an all encompassing amount of course work. Many of our hardest subjects deal with nature, and nature is easily the hardest thing to design for, its so chaotic. As well Civils have been dealing with environmental and energy design before "green" even was used to refer to protecting the environment back in the 60's. In the long run I made a choice that has changed so much back then because I loved the variety, not knowing it would be a better choice with my love of the environment. Without that trait of mine, I think i would be a much different person.

Hold on to the little things, remember them, they lead to the big things. Small dreams, goals, likes, dislikes, memories. All make up who you are, just sometimes have to remind yourself of that. A job doesn't define a person, but only a part of that person, just like clothing or nationality is only the tip of the iceberg. I just hope there's much more underneath.

This is beautiful in its own way, har har.

Numbered lists of things about me

Here's another list from "Inside the Actor's Studio" That I did a while back

1. What is your favorite word? hope, it means so much to each person and means a lot to me. It falls into my beliefs of willpower and hope being the best parts of a human being.

2. What is your least favorite word? meloncoly, the word is just such an emotional low, as though there's nothing anyone else can do to help. Its a sad with no anger, or resistance, just acceptance. The worst kind of sad.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Willpower, a woman with willpower in life will turn me on all 3 ways. She thinks on her own, is strong in her convictions, and
TRYS, even when it looks "hard".

4. What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Brats, the exact opposite of having willpower. Wants everyone else to do things for them, gives up easily and leaves it for someone else. Never "fights".

5. What sound or noise do you love? hearing someone/something breathe while they sleep. Its a very nice sound, calming. When I was a child we used to own birds, and the nicest sound i
remember from them was their breathing when they were asleep. Even if it was a slight whistling sound, it was still pleasant.

6. What sound or noise do you hate? voices over an intercomm that are turned up too loudly. No one can sleep on the damn Caltrain.

7. What is your favorite curse word? fuck. Can be used in so many ways, but must be used more rarely.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? A Humanities Professor. I would have so much fun with it. As well I think its one of the few subjects that focus correctly on humans as a whole.

9. What profession would you not like to do? The President. I hate it when people make up excuses and blame others for their own failures, and I think the President gets blamed for a whole nation's problems.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "What are you doing here? This is Doggy Heaven... Haha, just kidding."


1. I am determined to go to a sj sharks playoff game this season. I WILL.

2. New camera, phone, nintendo DS, and TV. All things I want and could buy, but just i have a hard time spending money on material things.

3. I am ok at snowboarding, need to get better at it though. As well I need to learn how to surf, so I can be truly from "Cali".

4. Lived in the same place my whole life, but I have traveled to New Jersey/York a lot and the Philippines.

5. Favorite color is almost any shade of blue. Sea blue jumps out in my mind though.

6. Origami is a hobby of mine, though i have terrible handwritting (probably from being left-handed)

7. I want to take green engineering, calligraphy, language, and humanities classes after I graduate from SJSU.

8. When I am in anything that moves, I have a really hard time sleeping. Didn't on a 14 hour flight, or drives to LA.

9. I like tans. Maybe its just me but really pale women aren't attractive to me. If you don't like some sunshine/the beach, the outdoors, then you crazy!

10. If i ever succeed in taking over the world, my first law would be to outlaw song remakes in a different genre. New R&B doing old R&b is ok, but Alternative doing R&B, fuck that.

11. I am half Filipino and half Italian. Both have languages that I want to learn before I am done with grad school and start traveling.

12. 5 Places that I want to travel to: The Philippines, Italy, Malayasia, Japan, Western Europe (sleep on the trains). This doesn't include the places I'll go before I fully graduate, which are Vancouver, Hawaii, New York.

13. I am trying to get to 165 lbs before I graduate from SJSU. Thats about 10 lbs before December, and I don't have much of a sweet tooth. So I give my sweets away to people who will be
happier with them.

14. Which is a odd thing since both of my parents love sweets... and are Diabetics. They are both listed as Handicapped for many reasons. I am always torn between the idea of me spending my
life taking care of them and wanting to live my own life. Its very complicated, very long.

15. I have a BROAD range of interests. From the NFL to reading Wicked and animal shows. Games to plays to jazz to cooking.

16. One thing I can't stand are whiners who can only whine and never do anything about what they are whining about.

17. Another thing I hate is when people take others for granted. While it of course hurts when its done to me, when I see it in others it annoys me as well.

18. And when animals are taken for granted too. My first pet when I have my own place will be a black cat, cause they just don't get any love. I also want a dog, torn between the 2.

19. I know the basics of Merengue, Chacha, Waltz, Swing. I know my Rumba and Salsa pretty well though. Like dancing.

20. I once tried to learn how to play a harmonica, but gave up cause they are really hard to use and expensive. I'll be trying to learn how to read music and then play a guitar.

21. One of the things I want to do in my life is go to the Phantom of the Opera as a play.

22. I love camping and hiking. Im pretty surefooted when I hike.

23. A goal in my life is to become smart enough and powerful enough to make changes... in how we coexist with the world.

24. WallE is my movie hero, Spiderman is my comic book hero, Locke Cole (FF6) is my video game hero.

25. When I was a kid I ate 12 tacos in a row without realizing i ate all the food for my family.... Another time as a kid I ate 2 Round Table pizzas cause they were going to go to waste.

Fresh Legs, Bad Back

Hello everyone this is Christian here bringing you another Trilling Post!

Actually this is my first one and I want people to know my blogging style a little bit.

I'll be posting something up about once a week. Over the course of the week I'll have something "astounding" hit me and I'll just have a need to post about it. These posts will never name anyone or talk directly about a person in a negative way. Though if the post stems from a person you might be able to guess who it is about. I go for writing about ideas or impressions I receive from the world around me.

My first post will be a bit of a downer, as it has been a sad week for me as my Mom's Aunt passed away at 86. 86... that's an incredible number for someone as young as 21 like me (soon to be 22). So many more things I have to accomplish and do in my life before that time. Just a month ago I was with my Lolo (filipino respect word for grandmother) and she was happy, content at being with her family for Christmas and seeing them become adults themselves.

When I think about a funeral, there are 2 types. The ones that happen before their time, and those that fulfilled the ideal of a good life. She was a woman that went beyond those ideals, as I saw from the love in her family and their own success. Funerals can be celebrations of a good life, and as I believe in the soul since there is something more to humans then the mind and body, she certainly deserves a special place to go after this.

Yet how can one measure a life? Friends? Family? Accomplishments? When I asked myself this question a quick answer sprung up which was "By doing as much as you can to shape your world". Shape the whole world, yourself, the people you are close to, that special someone. While this idea has many holes in it, for better or for worse it does make sense. Just, the next question is: How much is "as much as you can?" You decide that too I guess, reflecting on yourself.

Muahahaha
If you haven't seen this link, SEE IT NOW
http://www.worryvsdonuts.com/?p=82